So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
