# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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