I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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