sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
