Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Randomize
