I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
