Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
