is your mom at the bar?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Randomize
