I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
