So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
