I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
