when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
