ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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