The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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