Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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