I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
