I have demons in me.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Houston, we have a blender
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
