its not stalking. its research.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
