What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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