Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize