i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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