I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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