Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i think my mom watched the whole time
one might say we're banned from that church
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
