i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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