You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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