i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize