I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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