the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
