This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
