1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
