i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
