A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
There are leaves in my underwear?
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