didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
