Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Pants are for mortals
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
