Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
