He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
