i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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