Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
