A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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