i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
