So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
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Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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