It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
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thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
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My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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