When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
