i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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