I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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