if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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