Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
