I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
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I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
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I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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