Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
