I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
