Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
