i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
