meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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