Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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