just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
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