I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
