I think scott just propositioned me for sex
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
