i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
