Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
There r osticjed everywhere
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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