So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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