i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least đ
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
His name isnt in my phone as âSatanâs spawnâ for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
