Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
this boner is exhausting
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
