Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
