We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
