He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
