I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
