I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
