Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
