he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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