I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
