I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
