She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
