man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
