i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
