I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Did you pee in the oven last night??
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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