Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
