Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
