i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
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The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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