the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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